Facts About Ghosts
Ever wondered what being dead is like, but can’t afford Beetlejuice tickets?
Cheerful ghost Evelyn Hooper is here to help.
+ Transcript
Hey everybody!! I’m Evelyn. I’m a Pisces, a fan of early-2000s Alt-Rock, and I’ve been dead for sixteen years. If you’re listening to this, it probably means you’re alive. I’m so happy for you! But, it also means everything you know about people like me comes from books and movies. So, here are some real, true facts about ghosts!
Fact One: Ghosts are entities that used to be alive, but became incorporeal beings after death. If the entity was never alive in the first place, they’re probably either a demon or a YouTube commenter.
Fact Two: Ghosts are normally invisible to mortals unless you directly summon them. However, there are other ways of seeing us - like being mentally unbalanced, taking enough hallucinogens, or having a near death experience. If these don’t apply to you already, maybe don’t try to change that.
Fact Three: When you die, you get to have your picture taken with a dead celebrity of your choice. If you’ve been good, you get to keep it. If you’ve been bad, a demon will make you eat the picture. I got mine with Emily Dickinson!
Fact Four: Sometimes you become a ghost if you have unfinished business, like unrequited love or a powerful thirst for vengeance. Other times you can become a ghost if someone disturbs your grave, Riley. [Beat] It’s okay though, I still love you.
Fact Five: If you get real close and sniff, nice ghosts smell like lemons. If you can smell burnt toast, that means that there’s a malicious ghost somewhere near you. Or you may be about to have a stroke.
And finally, Fact Six: Ghosts can’t be seen, but with the right technology - like a Blue Yeti Microphone and an iPhone camera - they can be recorded! That’s how you’re listening to me right now! And if you like listening to me, you’re in luck.
Less Is Morgue, a new comedy podcast, dropping this Valentine’s Day. Cause the one thing worse than dying is being bored!